Has
Optimistic
Positive
Energy
or is it...
Had
Oppressive
Pondering
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or.....
How
Opportunity
Presents
Everyday
So, the verdict for Dave's appointment today was he is in kidney failure. He has about 17% function. Although biopsy and dialysis would be the next choice, they are not good choices for Dave at this time with stage 4 lung cancer. Finally someone has told us a timeline. Although no one really knows, he felt Dave's kidneys would completely fail in 4 to 6 months. We can continue to support him with fluids for now. He wouldn't say anything about stopping or continuing the chemo pill, that's up to the oncologist. Now is the hardest decision we've had to make. Does Dave go ahead with radiation to the last brain tumor Wednesday....or does he stop. He says he doesn't want to do it...then he says what if it would help him even for just 4 to 6 months? Or he thinks I'll be disappointed. The truth is, we thought he would only have 4 to 6 months in July of 2009 and we're still here. He is weaker for the effort, but still doing things and being with family, friends and our dogs (and dog-cat). I can't really push him either way. It makes me cry and feel very sad.
So to me HOPE is all of the above. It comes from the journey and through the journey. It helps you wake up and go for one more day. I just hope I have the courage to support my love with it.
peace, love, groove
I'm so sorry Lee. Every time I read your blog I am amazed at your courage and attitude. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteLee....I stood back and let my dad make those type decisions on his own with guidance from a fine doctor. I supported his decision and helped him through whatever his decision entailed. Now a year later, I always wonder - should I have voiced my opinion and persuaded him to choose different. Would the road have been different, better? No, I think Dad made the right decision for himself and my choice would have been the wrong choice for him. So I vote for Dave's decision, with you cheerleading for that decision!
ReplyDeleteOops..my comment accidentally submitted while my brother-in-law was logged in on my computer!
ReplyDeleteWe are all terminal, really. If you have a condition that makes you face it the play becomes a whole different story. Nobody does knows & everybody is right. Would we appreciate each other or get together as much if this hadn't happen, I don't think so. That is a gift just like those fires & now, the present. You can't live in the past with this, it is now. Then the friends and the love come & you can see hope is there and earned then sustained. People came together over this & made music too! God Bless you Lee!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone. Dave decided to have radiation. It's a new decision for each new thing. It is his...he told me last night it's our decision...but really it has to be his with me support. All of your support help too!
ReplyDeletelove, me
You are two of the bravest people I know. I have so much admiration and respect for you as a couple. True soulmates are rare.
ReplyDeleteLee you are without doubt the strongest woman I know. I don't doubt you've had your moments of fear and even sheer panic, but that is expected and doesn't diminish your incredible courage in the face of this monster. And Dave? Oh man....how can any of us (except you) really know what this journey is like for him? I just sit here and shake my head....
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think you are all to kind. We're doing what any of us would do faced with this .... I often remember the deal Dave and I made when we first found out. He would play music as long as possible and I would spend as much time as possible with him. We've done pretty good with all of your support. Thanks! And thanks for believing in us, I don't mean to lessen your kudos....I'm humbled.
ReplyDeleteI beg to differ at your assertion that you are doing what "any" of us would do. Some of us would totally crumble....would cave to negativity and fear. Don't for a moment underestimate your strength!
ReplyDeleteIn the past 2 yrs I have had 2 CA "scares"...not even the real thing like you have faced. And the scare ALONE reduced me to a blubbering, "what will...(my daughter....my husband....)do without me?" blah blah etc. etc...
So stop with the humility.....you ROCK!!! I am so proud of you both!