The Old Year And The New One

So looking back at 2009:  Dave was cooking a lot but still tired.  He would make soup and wonderful dinners.  We spent New Year's Eve and Day at home and were watching movies in bed.

2010: It was 52 degrees New Year's Eve.  I stopped by the Lester's and then had a camp fire with the neighbors...including some fireworks.


It's all right to cry, to question, to be weak. Beware of allowing yourself to be "put on a pedestal" by others who tell you what an inspiration you are because of your strength and your ability to cope so well. If they only knew! (On Dealing With Death by Father Kenneth Czillinger) 

I've been saying all year that 2010 is/was the year for me.  It was just the beginning, this is the year I move forward and begin my new life.  Above is a quote from a post from Lory's Place.  This is a local grief counseling place.  I think what it means is we're all just getting through and coping the best we can. There have been many ups and downs since 101010 and they are all normal for me as well as you.  It doesn't mean I'm slipping back, it means I'm moving forward.  I just have to remember to follow my heart...there's still a calm, Dave's still there if I listen and will be always.

peace, love, groove

12/21/11

Today would have been Dave's 54th birthday.  There have been dozens of great comments on his facebook page, which I've kept open. Although there have been many tears today, I see a glimmer of the old Lee coming back.  The journey back from this "nightmare" that was also a blessing....an opportunity we would have missed.  To really understand friendship and love.  To make the most of the time we had.  This may sound sorta cliche, but I feel comforted by it as well as all of the comments made to Dave on facebook.  I hope with all of my heart that he's aware of the love coming his way.  I hope I know the answer to that someday.


peace, love, groove

The Week Before Christmas

Looking back over the last two years:

2009 Dave was eating well and had great test results with many of the tumors missing in action...for awhile.  It was mostly a normal Christmas and Dave made a Crown Roast on Christmas day.

2010 I'm still tired, I had pizza on Dave's birthday.  It felt like Dave was with me but somehow like a fog.

Now- Wednesday is Dave's Birthday.  He would have been 53.  I'm going to Team Trivia with friends and family.  I can't think of anything better to do.....beer and questions.  The fog has been lifting slowly and I know I need to nourish my soul and get back to being just Lee.  Still, I miss him everyday.

peace, love, groove

The Holiday Season Continues- reading past years

I continue reading past years....
12/09 - Dave was getting blood and platelets and there was a Mister Edd gig at the Box Factory around this time in 2009.  No matter how tired he was, playing music was the best for Dave.  I was always "on duty" when he played....watching every move in case he needed something.  He knew I was there for him.  I'm not sure right now when his last paid gig was.  I'll find out as I'm reading. The last time he played was the 70's party.
12/10- party season about a year ago.  Cookie party, ET nurse party, book club party.  Glad I was busy then.

The dogs seem to be doing better between day care and lessons.  Tim came by Friday to help me put stakes in front of the fences.  When he left the house, Nikki just sat there....no chasing.  I also caught Nikki kissing Ruthie and she was okay with that.  I'm very hopeful.

I still have decorating to finish up before Christmas Eve, but I got a lot done today.  We have a dusting of snow, well maybe 1/4 of an inch.  The sun melted the snow this afternoon over the new driveway and walkway.  That's pretty cool and there wasn't mud.  Yeah!  Time for bed.

peace, love, groove

Another Christmas Cookie weekend

Pictures: Byran Lubeck and me Saturday night; Cookie party girls looking for the pickle ornament; a couple cookie displays; Julie and me Sunday at the cookie party.

What a great weekend filled with friends and music and family and cookies.  I recorded Byran Lubecks intro and performance of a Dave Maki song Saturday night.  I went with the Lesters, Schimans and Catherine T.  It was great to see many other friends there including Jeri and Ed, most of the band members and Dave Carlock.  I got to meet in person the friend from Chicago who really helped me arrange Dave meeting Chick Corea.  Then the cookie party on Sunday.  From 1989 to 2011....wow!  It was a wonderful night with great cookies.

I've mentioned that this is a hard holiday season for me.  It just seems that I cry a little more often. Hearing Dave's music just hits me right in the heart.  Although I've shared a lot, I've kept some things in I guess.  A good friend says I need to work this to move ahead and I guess that's right.  Now how to do that?  Well, I'm going to go back and start reading posts from years past about the same time of year....see if I can remember what I forgot or left out.  Here we go....

December 2009- We were getting ready for the cookie party and Dave had just had his last chemo.  The night of the cookie party Dave attended the second annual "anti- cookie party party".  He was not feeling well.  I remember wondering if I should cancel the party and having a couple people to offer to have it at their house....stubborn me.  I just wanted the holiday season to feel "normal".  Dave didn't do well at the party.  I was so sad he couldn't enjoy himself, he just wanted to be with his friends.

December 2010- Thinking a lot about Dave and how the holiday's would never feel normal again...just going through the steps.

2011- Thankful for family and friends, I'm trying to figure out the next steps.  How do I move forward, my best friend is gone.  Just what do single adults do now a days????  Not that I'm jumping out there, just sayin' it's been 27+ years.

peace, love, groove

Dave's Music Plays On

Bryan Lubeck is performing this Saturday in St Joe.  He'll be playing one of Dave's songs he recorded.  It is so amazing for me every time I hear Dave's music, he really does live on through his music   If you're free and around town, come join me.


peace, love, groove

Time for the Holidays and things are clicking

Pictures: a new kind of X-mas tree..and Dave is in there!

Thanksgiving was such a great day.  Dinner at the other Maki's with family.  We were just missing dear Jennie.  About 6 pm family and friends stopped by here for a campfire by the back door.  It was a little chilly, but what a great night.  Oberon bottles are sold out at all of my secret places...bummer.  There's still a few mini kegs though.

Next weekend is our annual Christmas Cookie Exchange party.  Last weekend I got up three trees.  Tim and Joni helped with the big one.  Dang pre-lit trees...about 1/4 of the lights are out.  We decided to just add another 300 lights this year.  I'll probably cut them off when it's time to take it down.  The "crystal" tree was decorated last weekend - thanks for Joni helping with that.  Yesterday I decorated the kitchen tree and started on the big tree.  It was 60 degrees out so I felt I had to get to the leaves in the front bushes and get flower pots put away.  I even put lights on two of the tree trunks.  One is really close to the driveway, so I thought that might help when backing out at night.

Today I cleaned the bathroom closet.  It's been an embarrassing about of time since it was gone through.  There just wasn't time when Dave was sick.  Well not time that wasn't more importantly spent with him, friends and family.  There's enough time left today to work on more tree decorating too.  And I started brushing the dog's teeth!  I think it's time after two teeth cleaning bills this summer. Sitting here it seems like things are starting to fall in place.  Always tons more to do but still...it feels pretty good.  I think I should have a dinner and/or party every weekend of December.

peace, love, groove

Writings

I had a wonderful evening with the "other Maki's" tonight..a birthday celebration.  What is a celebration?  I think it's sharing your ideals with those who agree with or "like/love" you.  I've been looking through Dave's facebook pages and reading things he wrote.  When I read these, I hear his voice.  I remember his quiet yet opinionated views.  I see these pieces of him as gifts.  I miss him....



peace, love, groove

Today I'm older and other stuff

 

 

 Pictures: Nancy in a box; most of the moving team- Tim, Mom, Julie, Uncle Mike, Ruthie, me and Joni;  a welcome sign; Ruthie outside mom's new apartment; Ruthie riding in the van; leaving Benton Harbor- mom, Ruthie and Tim.


Wow- it's been awhile since I've written and I am now older than Dave.  Bummer, I've always been younger.  It's time to catch up with some pictures of Mom's move.  The move to Chesaning went well.  The leaves coming down and it's time to get ready for the cookie party.  Oh well, the work is never done.  Dog school started yesterday.  Kevin filled in with Ruthie and both dogs seemed to have some fun.  I continue to take one of the dogs to "doggie" daycare during the day.  It's still a good thing for them....and me.

Holiday season is here!  I've always liked that more than Dave.


peace, love, groove

Get The Word Out

Don't forget to purchase Dave's last recording.  I'm sorry to be a pest and know some of you own it already.....but all proceeds will go to the Southwest Michigan Humane Society.  Please share the iTunes page with others.  Thanks and bow wow!



http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/have-yourself-a-merry-little/id415084469?i=415084477

peace, love, groove

Time changes

So it is the time of year we "fall back" and there's a time change.  It's been a busy week.  I was in North Carolina, took the dogs to daycare, moved Mom to Chesaning MI (where my dad grew up) and picked up a lot of leaves.  Pictures to come.  Pretty tired with all of the happenings.

Nikki is finally learning how to act at day care.  It's good to hear this is working and she's socializing better. I've decided to go to Florida over New Year's.  It's about time for a vacation, don't you think?

peace, love, groove

26 years ago + one day

Dave and me July 2010

Yesterday would have been our 26th wedding anniversary and I can say I have no regrets.  It was a great journey.  Love you Dave!

peace, love, groove

Puppies adjusting and getting back on track

I've been taking one dog each day to "dogie day care" during the week.  I know...it sounds kinda strange, but there are some real benefits.  The dogs get socialized with other dogs and Nikki is learning how to play better.  Nikki goes there M-W-F and Ruthie goes T-Th.  I probably should have done this a long time ago.  It's a step in the right direction.

This weekend I'm going to North Carolina for another WOCNCB committee meeting.  I went there back in April and it's time again.  I just have a little free time Friday night, the rest of the time if full of meetings.  It seems to be good timing for a little get away.

peace, love, groove

The Misconception of strength

What does it mean to be strong?  Many are left alone through similar or different circumstances than mine, but what happens then?  How does someone "recover" from loosing a spouse and best friend?

Following the one year mark, this issue becomes more apparent to me.  How do I replace my best friend in the whole world?  The person I could complain to about stuff.  He would just listened...no judgements... no repercussions...he was just were there for me.  He was my biggest cheerleader. That person is gone.  When someone disappointments or lets me down, what is there to do?  It's not always that "they" were wrong, just that it hurt me.  We all have that happen to us.

It has been of the most important for me to support our friends and family through loosing Dave.  In the end, who supports me....

It isn't that no one loves or supports me.  It's the realization that life is going forward for us all and my life isn't, and shouldn't be, the center of every one's life.  It's the realization that I can forever count on my two dogs, cat and me.  I told Dave..."don't worry about me, I'll be okay".  I may have lied.  I didn't mean to.

And we gathered 10-10-11

Catherine and Julie arriving

Phils' new car arrives

Phil is helping Ev (mom Maki) 

The gentleman

Roses and home grown flowers brought by Catherine T. and Kay

A toast and no glass for Loni

The group hanging out with Dave

Dave's niche

Julie with Dave

Kay, Kristin, Piot and Catherine T

Tim, Cookie, Chuck and Phil...who's helping Ev get back in the car?

Lindsey, Sue and Joni

Finally...the pictures from 10-10-11.  We had 2 toasts to Dave and just kinda hung out by his niche before pizza.  Thanks for sharing this day with me, our friends and family.  Love you from the bottom of my heart....

peace, love, groove

Last day for the Tribute video

I'm pretty sure this is the last day for the Tribute to be viewed.  I did buy a copy of it.  I've been trying to get some pictures up from Monday 10-10-11.  Several of us went to Riverview and had a couple toasts for Dave.  Then we went to Silverbeach pizza.  The Lesters, Kings, Catherine Thomas and John Payne came over after for a camp fire and ....can you guess???? Yes, Tales of Topographic Oceans.  I had the week off and listened to "Tales" two more times.  It was good to hear it twice with others around.  These were the first times I have listened to it since the Friday before Dave died.  We hear it together.

I'll get the pictures up soon.  Thanks to all who remember us.  Love you all.


peace, love, groove

It's Breat Cancer Awareness Month

Thought I'd share a few pictures I didn't earlier.  First the beach last Saturday.  YAYAs did another Komen walk and this one was right along Lake Michigan in St Joe.

Here's a couple YAYAs walking.This is the back of my shirt.  Sandi was a friend from Bill Knapp's days who just died.  I hope she meets Dave.  She'll like him

peace, love, groove

Pictures from 10/9/11

Tim, Cookie and Chuck...ending the night

  John, Kay, Buddy and Tim

Joni and John by the fire

Sue, Terry, Scott and Cookie

Listening to music

Noah with his hat

Chuck, Tim, John and Lindsey

 
       Done with songs...next is YES

Al, Phil and Mark

Joni and Liz

Enjoying the day- Kevin

Family meeting

Sue, Loni, Julie; Kay and others

Liz, Mark, Dan and Mark

Link to video from 10/9/11.  Pictures to come.  We had great weather in the back yard and great food.  We listened to Claire Fisher (a instructor from Dick Grove days), Chick Corea and of coarse YES.  Thanks to all who came over, your continued support and love is very important to me.  And thanks to those who listened to music Dave liked or performed in his honor.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAzEPrKq3KM


peace, love, groove

10-10-10

Dave's favorite Chick Corea song....or at least the one that brought tears to his eyes with it's beautiful melody and harmonies: Armando's Rhumba. Please watch this live version with Chick and his piano in honor of Dave today.

peace, love, groove

10-9-11

Today will be a day of smiles, laughter and tears. I miss Dave's voice, his laughter, his smile......I'm happy to be sharing a campfire with friends and family who love Dave too. I can never thank you enough for the love and support you gave and continue to give us. If your not in town, just listen to some music Dave loved.....Chick Corea, Yellowjackets, Yes, Tower of Power, Frank Zappa, Todd Rundgren, Steeley Dan (to name a few)...or Dave himself.

Then I remember that life does go on. There's new music to love and new adventures to come.

Until me meet again.....peace, love, groove

Don't Worry.....Be Happy

We're going to be okay. I started the dogs in day care. They both are doing well there, even Nikki. Her and I will be starting obedience school mid-November. Trainers feel we'll be okay. Just need to let the dogs know...I'm the alpha! I love to learn new languages....hehehe.

Plans for Sunday....a big ass campfire and music (live and recorded) in honor of Dave, loved by Dave or performed by Dave.

Plans for Monday- toast at the cemetery, pizza (one of Dave's favs) and another campfire for the big weights (or those who don't have to work in the morning).

My- how the year flew by. Now, to move forward. Miss and love you always Dave!

peace, love, groove

A great weekend in Kentucky

Pictures: new license plate, Catherine talking to Dr. Black; ex KCI co-workers- Susan, Elaine, me, LouAnn; Sue and Denise at dinner; Shrimp and grits; beer; Beth shows off a horse; Alice Cooper guitar at Hard Rock Cafe.

Great but busy weekend in Louisville for WOCN regional conference. Good food, good friends and lots of info. Next year we are helping put this yearly event on in Grand Rapids. Left hand from dog bite is healing...oh I may not have put this on the blog. I broke up a fight between Ruthie and Nikki last Monday after work. Ended up in the ER with 3 bites in my left hand (2 teeth each) and 1 on my leg. I got a Tetanus shot and antibiotics....thankfully pain pills which I've used at night. I can't believe how much it hurt. The swelling was finally down today and minimal bruising left. Glad to be on the mend. I'm going to go back to dog school with Nikki and taking the dogs to day care for awhile. What a year for them...Dave gone, Audrey gone, alone in the day. We'll regroup and make it. Thanks to a wonderful brother in law, good neighbors and my ER friends (well, really just Catherine) we did okay.

peace, love, groove