The Old Year And The New One

So looking back at 2009:  Dave was cooking a lot but still tired.  He would make soup and wonderful dinners.  We spent New Year's Eve and Day at home and were watching movies in bed.

2010: It was 52 degrees New Year's Eve.  I stopped by the Lester's and then had a camp fire with the neighbors...including some fireworks.


It's all right to cry, to question, to be weak. Beware of allowing yourself to be "put on a pedestal" by others who tell you what an inspiration you are because of your strength and your ability to cope so well. If they only knew! (On Dealing With Death by Father Kenneth Czillinger) 

I've been saying all year that 2010 is/was the year for me.  It was just the beginning, this is the year I move forward and begin my new life.  Above is a quote from a post from Lory's Place.  This is a local grief counseling place.  I think what it means is we're all just getting through and coping the best we can. There have been many ups and downs since 101010 and they are all normal for me as well as you.  It doesn't mean I'm slipping back, it means I'm moving forward.  I just have to remember to follow my heart...there's still a calm, Dave's still there if I listen and will be always.

peace, love, groove

12/21/11

Today would have been Dave's 54th birthday.  There have been dozens of great comments on his facebook page, which I've kept open. Although there have been many tears today, I see a glimmer of the old Lee coming back.  The journey back from this "nightmare" that was also a blessing....an opportunity we would have missed.  To really understand friendship and love.  To make the most of the time we had.  This may sound sorta cliche, but I feel comforted by it as well as all of the comments made to Dave on facebook.  I hope with all of my heart that he's aware of the love coming his way.  I hope I know the answer to that someday.


peace, love, groove

The Week Before Christmas

Looking back over the last two years:

2009 Dave was eating well and had great test results with many of the tumors missing in action...for awhile.  It was mostly a normal Christmas and Dave made a Crown Roast on Christmas day.

2010 I'm still tired, I had pizza on Dave's birthday.  It felt like Dave was with me but somehow like a fog.

Now- Wednesday is Dave's Birthday.  He would have been 53.  I'm going to Team Trivia with friends and family.  I can't think of anything better to do.....beer and questions.  The fog has been lifting slowly and I know I need to nourish my soul and get back to being just Lee.  Still, I miss him everyday.

peace, love, groove

The Holiday Season Continues- reading past years

I continue reading past years....
12/09 - Dave was getting blood and platelets and there was a Mister Edd gig at the Box Factory around this time in 2009.  No matter how tired he was, playing music was the best for Dave.  I was always "on duty" when he played....watching every move in case he needed something.  He knew I was there for him.  I'm not sure right now when his last paid gig was.  I'll find out as I'm reading. The last time he played was the 70's party.
12/10- party season about a year ago.  Cookie party, ET nurse party, book club party.  Glad I was busy then.

The dogs seem to be doing better between day care and lessons.  Tim came by Friday to help me put stakes in front of the fences.  When he left the house, Nikki just sat there....no chasing.  I also caught Nikki kissing Ruthie and she was okay with that.  I'm very hopeful.

I still have decorating to finish up before Christmas Eve, but I got a lot done today.  We have a dusting of snow, well maybe 1/4 of an inch.  The sun melted the snow this afternoon over the new driveway and walkway.  That's pretty cool and there wasn't mud.  Yeah!  Time for bed.

peace, love, groove

Another Christmas Cookie weekend

Pictures: Byran Lubeck and me Saturday night; Cookie party girls looking for the pickle ornament; a couple cookie displays; Julie and me Sunday at the cookie party.

What a great weekend filled with friends and music and family and cookies.  I recorded Byran Lubecks intro and performance of a Dave Maki song Saturday night.  I went with the Lesters, Schimans and Catherine T.  It was great to see many other friends there including Jeri and Ed, most of the band members and Dave Carlock.  I got to meet in person the friend from Chicago who really helped me arrange Dave meeting Chick Corea.  Then the cookie party on Sunday.  From 1989 to 2011....wow!  It was a wonderful night with great cookies.

I've mentioned that this is a hard holiday season for me.  It just seems that I cry a little more often. Hearing Dave's music just hits me right in the heart.  Although I've shared a lot, I've kept some things in I guess.  A good friend says I need to work this to move ahead and I guess that's right.  Now how to do that?  Well, I'm going to go back and start reading posts from years past about the same time of year....see if I can remember what I forgot or left out.  Here we go....

December 2009- We were getting ready for the cookie party and Dave had just had his last chemo.  The night of the cookie party Dave attended the second annual "anti- cookie party party".  He was not feeling well.  I remember wondering if I should cancel the party and having a couple people to offer to have it at their house....stubborn me.  I just wanted the holiday season to feel "normal".  Dave didn't do well at the party.  I was so sad he couldn't enjoy himself, he just wanted to be with his friends.

December 2010- Thinking a lot about Dave and how the holiday's would never feel normal again...just going through the steps.

2011- Thankful for family and friends, I'm trying to figure out the next steps.  How do I move forward, my best friend is gone.  Just what do single adults do now a days????  Not that I'm jumping out there, just sayin' it's been 27+ years.

peace, love, groove

Dave's Music Plays On

Bryan Lubeck is performing this Saturday in St Joe.  He'll be playing one of Dave's songs he recorded.  It is so amazing for me every time I hear Dave's music, he really does live on through his music   If you're free and around town, come join me.


peace, love, groove