January 31, 2012 and it's 57 degrees?

Snow on Sunday, cold Monday morning and now a high of 57 today in the Midwest.  What a crazy winter!  We'll see how much I need my new down coat....????  I went to dinner at Tosi's with the Other Maki's and the DeLisle's last night.  GREAT FOOD!!  I just love to go there.

I'm still working on getting X-mas stuff put away, but at least I've started.  And I'm getting some more things together for goodwill.  I've found more of Dave's old shirts in the basement which is kinda amazing. I thought I took most of his clothes in already.

I haven't had much time to read the last few days.  I think I'll go to bed soon and try to get some done.

peace, love, groove

Another Group at Lori's Place

So I went to my second support group meeting.  It was a little easier and I talked.  Someone brought up dreams and dreaming about their departed spouse.  I was reminded of the death of a close friend when I was in my early 20s.  She was killed in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver.  We had an argument and had not spoken for months.   It was sooooooooo hard.   I remember I went to the funeral with her x-boyfriend.  I struggled with guilt for a few months and would have nightmares that I couldn't find her.  Finally one night I dreamt that she was driving a van and picked me up.  We were driving along and she told me she was okay and I should be okay.  I never had another dream or nightmare involving her.  I don't know if my mind was just working it all out, or if she really spoke to me through my dream and made it okay.  I told this story at the support group this week.  I also talked about the weekend Dave died.  The party and visitors on Saturday night and Sunday.  When I said Dave and I were married for 24 years and I've been with him for 27 (counting now 'cuz I'm still with him) an older gentleman said " you must have been 12 when you got married".  Hehe...that was very nice.

It is good to start some friendships with people who really understand the loss and loneliness the death of a partner brings.  I will keep going.  It's time for bed.

peace, love, groove

I've been reading

Well, I've been reading books about "moving forward".  First was a Venus and Mars book, "Starting Over".  There were some interesting comments about how women are always the caregiver and men need to have a partner.  Glad I read it (most of it), but I really don't think the sexes are as stereotypical as they may have been in the past.  Mostly I learned how we get ready to start living again and still love our spouse.   Now I'm reading "Getting Naked Again".  I probably shouldn't write that here, yet I want to be honest about what helps me and how I'm getting through it all.  This book is wonderful so far.  Some of the things I can really relate to and miss are:  being touched, talking about your day,  the little complements, flirting, sitting in the same room or the car and not having to talk.  So, the only way I'll get to share those things again is to get out into the world.  UGH!  (I've been in a relationship with Dave Maki for 28 years) and yet it's kinda exciting.  My hope is my emotional self will be able to keep up with the intellectual side.  I have some work to do.........baby steps.

peace, love, groove

What will 2012 bring?

Pictures:   YaYa's together at Julie Lester's - Liz, Catherine, Lee, Joni, Sue and Julie in front of the Cocktail Tree

Another week has gone by.  The dogs are doing so much better.  Ruthie is even kissing Nikki and Nikki is being so good at doggie day care that they compliment her when I pick her up.  Tonight we met at Julie's house and just talked.  It was so good to be together and share.  What a gift it is to have YaYa sisters!    And we have SNOW!  I think it stopped snowing, but we had gentle snowfall most of the day and the roads are somewhat slippery.  It's hard not to think about spring coming and getting ready for summer.  I think I should get the X-mas decorations away and organized first.


peace, love, groove

Prospective

2010-  We went to Avatar 3D and had a camp fire on January 17..it was 40 degrees.  I was heading up to Traverse City and Dave had a practice with Bryan Lubeck (he was driving then).  He was only taking the study drug.

2011- I went to The King's Speech with the other Makis, the Kings and Lesters.  Some of us got together and went through old pictures talking about Dave's Spectrum band days.  I went to Czars with friends and saw one of Dave's favorite groups.  And the dogs and I had a campfire in the snow.

Tonight I went to Lori's Place to a grief support group meeting. I mostly listened.  There were people in all stages of grieving.  I just thought it would be good to know more people that really understand losing a spouse.  I think I'll keep going and I'm sure it will help me.  One woman talked about how she doesn't go out with any friends.  So I realize, again,  that I have so many wonderful friends who listen and remember Dave with me.    Love you all and time for bed.

peace, love, groove                                  

And it's 2012!

2010- Dave was cooking and feeling better.  We went to see Sherlock Holmes (the first one was out!)

2011-  I was starting to feel more acclimated to work back at Lakeland.

2012- The dogs are doing so much better and getting along.  I went to Florida for New Year's...GREAT TIME and good experience.  It was nice to just sit by the pool and read in the sun.  I've been reading about starting over again and think joining a support group would be a good idea.  Mostly I've learned and realized that this roller coaster is normal and I'm heading in the right direction.  I will always love Dave Maki....my best friend, but as John as been writing life keeps going and Dave does want us all to keep living.  I have said many times that 2011 was the "year of me", 2012 is the year to live.


peace, love, groove