It will be two years…….without my CW

I have been experiencing a lot of different emotions lately.  Seems that I am starting to move on with my life.  That's pretty strange.  I read the last few days of the blog from 10/3/10 to 10/10/10 tonight while crying.  I haven't thought of my nickname for Dave "Cancer Warrior" in so long….how I would wake him up chemo days calling him that and singing.  How well he did through chemo the first rounds.  The hard decisions and successes, the disappointments.  It's hard to read how he was failing so quickly, how weak he had become in such a short period.  This post is from 10/3/10:   "My sweet, sweet man is so tired lately. Glad he isn't in pain. We will all take good care of him. "  The morning after the 10/9 party: "Oh, my dreams for Dave came true last night. It was such a gift, honest. Friends and neighbors came over, the movie was playing in the front yard. There was laughter and love surrounding us. Of course there were tears too. I offered to go in with anyone who seemed a little anxious, told them Dave hears him. Many said their goodbyes- some short, some long. Our friend Suzanne brought a lavender satchel to put on Dave's chest, Suzanne and Joni massaged his hands and feet with lavender lotion. It was amazing to see his hands relax. Alison, Catherine C-S, and Beckie took care of me. Suzanne roasted chestnuts, what a great fall snack. We also looked at some older pictures and sang along with Earth, Wind and Fire songs.

We have the medication thing down, although we slept for 4 hours and missed a pain medication dose.  Dave still has a temperature this morning. His hands are so warm, arms are cool. The hospice nurse said this is a normal thing. Our old dog, Audrey is hanging around Dave's bed more. It's a peaceful morning. I'll update later. I cannot thank everyone enough for their love and support." All the love that surrounded him is almost unbelievable.

10/10/12 family and friends will gather at Riverview Cemetery to toast to Dave and then we'll go to Silver Beach Pizza.  Yes Topographic Oceans will play from beginning to end after dinner, hopefully in the backyard with a fire ( and Friday and Saturday night too).  It is tradition now.  I hope everyone will understand my wish to continue this in the future.  Somethings I can't release, somethings will stay with me forever.  Goodnight my CW, it's time.




peace, love, groove