12-21-57 to 10-10-10

So, here it is….two years have gone by.  I never could have imagined the journey that started July 2009, where I've gone and where I am now.  Oh, and what I want.  I want Dave to be remembered forever.  I want to smile at the thought of him.  I want to find my way through- I'm getting there.

Here is the post from 10/11/10 about Dave's death.


Have a few minutes to write my thoughts and reflect. Dave started breathing harder around 10 pm. Julie L spent the night with us and we watched some of the Camp David DVD together and chatted with jazz music playing in the background. Around 11:30 pm we turned and rubbed Dave's back and positioned him. I went into the bathroom for a second and Julie called me. As I walked up to the bed, Dave was taking a breath- his color was poor. We held his hands and I kissed his head as he took a couple more breaths. His face was peaceful. Just when this happened, Nikki ran to the front door as if someone was leaving. She stopped and looked around for a minute.... I felt a sense of peace too.

Julie stayed with us and Catherine C-S came back over. The hospice nurse came over about an hour later. She called the funeral home to let them know and took all the "narcotics" they had issued. She was very nice. There was a discussion about the time of death with was 11:55 pm 10/10/10. Since it was 10/11 when she got there, we would go with that date. Julie, Catherine and I thought 10/10/10 was really the date and more fitting for DKM- the nurse agreed. Mike, our neighbor came over with a Mister Edd CD Dave had given him when he was 10 years old. How touching. As we waited for the funeral home to come for Dave, he went and listened to some of it in his car.

Today has been filled with a nap, calls, family and friends. I'll go to the funeral home to complete the plans this afternoon. Per Dave's request, he will be cremated. I will post all info as soon as I know. For sure I know Dave would like any memorials to go to the South Western Michigan Humane Society. More info to come...... Thanks to all who have followed and supported us.

The only thing I can add is: I RAN to Dave's bed when Julie called me, wanting to kiss him goodbye one last time.  Scared I would miss the last moment of warmth in his hand.  I started just holding and massaging his hands the first week we got the diagnosis- wondering how long he'd be with me, memorizing everything about his fingers (including the damaged ones from his snow blower accident when he was in college), preparing for the end.  I know now I started to separate myself from him the last month or so of his life.  I had to to survive.  I will survive.

Thanks as always for all of your love, support and comments.

peace, love, groove