Looking back over the last two years:
2009 Dave was eating well and had great test results with many of the tumors missing in action...for awhile. It was mostly a normal Christmas and Dave made a Crown Roast on Christmas day.
2010 I'm still tired, I had pizza on Dave's birthday. It felt like Dave was with me but somehow like a fog.
Now- Wednesday is Dave's Birthday. He would have been 53. I'm going to Team Trivia with friends and family. I can't think of anything better to do.....beer and questions. The fog has been lifting slowly and I know I need to nourish my soul and get back to being just Lee. Still, I miss him everyday.
peace, love, groove
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It is a fog, & the day to day gets wrapped up in that as they are still so much a part of your life but no longer here. So then, your world was firmly planted in the now but that is no longer the case, you have a foot in the “forever” and the “over there” without knowing where over there is! Life is finite with an ending, you won’t be cleaning that room, that next big spring project, that vacation, writing that song, making things right, forgiveness, that is no longer a real-time option.
ReplyDeleteIt was everything then and the most important but now not important and not possible. These hopes and dreams are reflected in movies but also used to sell us out, we give up family time to afford that extra car or the things that puff us up like a butterfly and say look at me & my 55” TV!
For Dave & Jimi Hendrix, they are an image frozen in time, held at their age forever, we will get older but they are forever young and at the “over there.” We will go there too and hold that knowledge which bonds us to Dave, he won’t have to go it alone, we are right behind him in a race that cannot be stopped and yet ends only at the individual level, and my time is not your time!
You have sent someone off Lee with love & like a rocket they blasted off, but it also leaves a debris fielded that is wide and you are cleaning that field up right now and the fog will slowly leave and reveal its vastness, shape and form. Like a gaping hole, a crater that will never be filled, but you know where it is, its outer perimeter and how to get around it without falling in.
It is like Adele says “We have history” now, it is not just a few old relatives, it is friends that we knew, really knew well & Loved that are gone now. Your backyard is the launching pad and we all got to hang out for the launch so that is sacred ground. Dave hangs on to those fires too and as long as we remember that and it brings us together, we bring Dave closer to us too. Happy Birthday Dave!
Love you Lee, Love you Dave.
John