I was walking down a hospital hallway not far from the CCU and an older man was standing there. I made eye contact and said good morning...he said good morning back.
I said how are you.
He looked like he wanted to talk....he said "have you ever been at a crossroads in your life"
yes I have
" I am right now, my wife wants to quit, she wants me to pull the vent"
that must be hard
"She's asking me to stop it, she's in a lot of pain"
maybe it's okay to stop, sometimes it is time
"I can't do that"
do you have someone here to support you
"my sister just left and my son is on his way"
good, I have kind of a challenge for you to think about
"okay"
What does your wife love, what is the most important thing in her life? Talk about that, surround her with that
"that's a really good idea, I never thought of that"
Focus on her and that and what will be will be
"thank you"
I have paraphrased here and there. There was a little more we said....BUT it felt so good to let him know how I kept things in perspective. To offer another way to think of it. He is not ready to hear that his wife may die. I don't think that matters. I think feeling better about his time with her will lead to a better outcome...life or death isn't always what it's about, it's quality and celebration. Well, that's my view. I don't know if I'll ever see that man again. I hope his family will celebrate.
peace, love, groove
Beautiful story...you were able to use your experience with Dave to help another. And so it goes....
ReplyDeleteAs an aside, don't you just love being a nurse? So many opportunities to touch lives. I have to admit though, giving and giving all day long often means there's not much left at the end of the day...do you find that's true?
After giving all day how would there be much left? I have an internet friend who just said to me that life is meaningless but what you do isn't.
ReplyDeleteYou may never see him again or know the results of your council, but you probably comforted and helped him deal with his crisis in ways you'll never imagine. Paying it forward by listening to the torment of a stranger - what a priceless gift of kindness, Lee Maki. Thank you for your compassion. It's just one of your traits that make you special.
ReplyDeleteSomehow I feel the need to help others really understand..it's not about them, it's about the person who's life is ending. I think we all mean well, but many times we forget that. plg is what it's all about. Thanks Mimi and John. love you both.
ReplyDeleteI so get it now, Lee. Remember when Dave played with Maxon Struwin in Elkhart....I was worried about you (level of exhaustion), and was telling you that you needed to take care of you...remember what you said? Words to the effect, "No. It's about Dave...it has to be," or something. You were saying 'he's the one who matters the most because he's the one getting gypped. He's the one who doesn't get to be here anymore, and I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make sure he has maximum quality..." Am I right? I'm thinkin I didn't fully "get it" then because I was still--I don't want to say in denial, but I guess that's right--about his prognosis. But you knew. And you were, indeed, the very best CWW--ever. I hope that gives you some sense of peace...
ReplyDeleteYou're right Mimi, that is what I was saying. To tell you the truth, I'm very proud to have done everything I could to give Dave what he wanted....his goal= to play music. My goal= to be with him. We did it! That's really all we can do. Live with the time we have left. PLG baby!
ReplyDeletelove you