What a day....from sending a message to Dave's family at a reunion I could not attend in Wisconsin to talking to a friend who lost two family members in one month. Wow!
I felt so strongly about attending the family reunion since I haven't seen many of Dave's extended family since the summer before he was diagnosed. I was going to fly in a for just a couple days, but couldn't work it out. So the least I could do was send a message to them tonight. Hopefully it was a message of remembering, never ever forgetting and yet starting to move on. There's that phrase again....move on, moving on.....
This afternoon I saw a work friend sitting by herself and stopped to stay "hi". She is going to the second unexpected funeral in one month. I never asked her the ages, but I know these family members had be 40 or much younger. She has young children and is having a hard time deciding whether to take them to a second funeral. She is struggling. How can she know the right decision, really? What if she makes a mistake? I told her she has permission to make a mistake and not be perfect. All she can do is her best. One of her children is having a hard time being away from her and I shared a story I recently heard... Many years ago a neighbor died suddenly and a mother listened to her young son fret thinking she would leave him too. She thought about it while cooking dinner and then went to talk to her son. She asked did he miss her while she was in the kitchen? "no" Did he know she was still "here" even though she was in the other room? "yes" So, she said, I'm always "here" with you even when we're not together. "ok"
It's hard to talk about death. Sometimes I feel that friends don't want to talk about Dave - it might make me sad. Or ask me how I am- I may cry. I cry most days, not for long and I occasionally miss a day, but I cry most days. I miss Dave most days. I want to talk about him, about his death, about what we went through. I don't want to hide. And I'm thankful I got the chance to ask him what he wanted when he died. I'm know I've been on this soapbox before, but we have to talk about death. It's ok.
peace, love, groove
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I miss Dave too every day, I think about how the music stops when you go & there was so much music in him that we will never hear. I think about how much music he shared with me and if I don't use it then what a waste. Dave was all about freedom and he lived his life that way, how we live now is how we honor him, he would be the first person to say love someone else cuz I am gone now and to live on. I have many musicians who have left us this year, 9 so far, the latest is Tony Sly, he was famous and at 41 had it all but it was not enough. It is hard to talk about death because we all have it in common and just like the “my kids are doing or who is still cute talk that happens at water coolers and in reunions we all wonder who is next or will go before me, nothing that a hundred years won't take care of but that is not you. You are a seeker who likes to do it right first class and you will. You have a new life to build and you have time but not forever, you will do it on your terms and your timetable so it’s your party and you can cry if you want to and we cry with you but to remember Dave is to remember freedom and you are free girl so wipe that slate clean!
ReplyDeleteMimi has left a new comment on your post "Remembering and offering":
ReplyDeleteWhat John said.
:)
(sorry Mimi- I deleted by mistake)
I wish you could like replies like in FB. :) What Mimi said. ;)
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