Two years ago

Two years ago today - 3/19/10, Dave had a seizure in the middle of the night.  We have a memory foam bed, so I didn't know a thing until he fell on the floor.  This was the most horrifying moment of Dave's illness for me.  He was still having the seizure as I got to his side and was hitting his head against the shelves against the wall.  There was no room to move him and I really couldn't move him.  Just before I grabbed the phone to call 911, he stopped breathing.  I seem to remember that can happen with a seizure and as soon as the CO2 climbs (from not breathing) breathing restarts.  BUT I was the semi-panicked wife.  I hit him on his chest and screamed his name....."Dave Maki Breath!!!" and he did.   I then called 911 and they said "get him onto his side", I couldn't.  Then suddenly he started to relax and I got him turned.  The operator told me a police man was on his way.  I ran around the house to get the dogs put into their cages and quickly putting some clothes on, just in time for a knock on the door and help showing up.

Dave started to sit up obviously confused about what had happened.  I was torn about whether to go to the ED and paged the oncology on-call who advised us to go in.  Dave was there for a couple days while starting radiation treatments.  He missed what would have been his last performance with Bryan Lubeck (we tried to make it- the show goes on!).

This story is an example of why I'm going through the old posts.  I couldn't tell the whole story back then....I know I need to now.

2011- I had the Bluebird house up in the front yard. but sparrows moved in.  I just got the house back up this weekend and sparrows are back! I have my friendly ceramic bluebird back on the front deck.  I like the sparrows.

peace, love, groove

Forgot

I know I already posted today, but I forgot to say something.  I need to start by saying, I am not suicidal and do not want to die.  I know there is a lot of life ahead of me and joy is out there too.  I love my friends and family (including my dogs and cat).  Now that that was said... I don't fear death.  I look at it so differently since 10/10/10.  I watched Dave's "soul" leave his body through Nikki and I'm convinced he's close.  I will find him again, that gives me peace and hope.


peace, love, groove

Marching to....

2010-  We went to a second Admirals game.  The Oscar's were in March.  One night Dave went to the kitchen and I heard a loud noise.  He had fallen and had a low blood pressure.  I had to bandage one of his knees.  The next day we went out to eat with the Maki's.  The food was too rich for him... he loved to eat so much, it's sad to read about when he didn't enjoy food.

2011-  Remembering Dave cooking corned beef and cabbage on a fire in 2010.  And I started getting estimates on new windows.


So, last weekend I went to Czar's.  I met a friend of ours, Jason, who came into town from Elkhart.  It still takes my breath away to see Dave when I walk in the door.  And now there's new carpet and dance floor.  It's looking a lot better.  It was great to catch up with Jason and see other great friends (family) of Dave's....PK, Jennie, Beth, Jamie, Michael and many more.  Two things really hit me.  1- Going there feels like visiting Dave's other family and I'm "protected" and watched over.  That's very comforting.  2- I met up with a friend of Dave's I got reintroduced to and he said...I met you before about 5 years ago.  I couldn't remember!!!!!!  He said "it was years ago".  I thought about how dark it is in there, but somehow I do remember Dave introducing me to him today,  I still can't remember his name.  I feel bad that I didn't spend more time with this "other family" of Dave's.  There really was no excuse and I missed out on a lot.  Now, I really need to keep in touch.

peace, love, groove

Spring's around the corner

Last year close to this time I started my quest for Bluebirds and it was a failure.  I hope to try again and really get some this year.

I've been looking at the history of the blog and there's been alomst 35,000 views from the begining ( I didn't have a counter in the beginging) and over 500 last month.  Here's what I think.  The statisics let me believe there will be more and more widows as the baby bombers get older.  I'm just in the begining of the trend or curve.  And my experience has potential to effect or impress more and more again "singles" in the future.  Kinda sobering.  But, I'm a optimist and hope that increaing numbers will mean more support and wisdom.  There's hope for life to continue...

peace, love, groove

Forgot to mention

In February I renewed the yearly cage donation at Humane Society of Southwestern Michigan in honor of Dave Maki's PLG Friends.  He would be happy that we are helping animals.  Lots of projects coming together that I'll be able to talk about more soon.  It's exciting stuff!

The hospital I work at went live with computer charting today.  I'm going in for a few hours over the weekend to make sure I can chart and get around.  Hoping that will make Monday a little easier.

I'm going to Czar's tonight to meet up with some of Dave and my friends..... I haven't been there in such a long time.  I just remember how Dave thought of the whole "crew" and regulars as his family.  It will be good to visit.

peace, love, groove

February is Ending Soon

2010-  We went to eat at the Friendly in Coloma and saw my friend Keri waiting on tables.  We also went to an Admirals game at LMC (highschool).  Then we learned that Dr. Lester was retiring and we'd have to change doctors (I cried some).  Who could forget that Nikki cut her feet in the back yard when we went exploring in the snow?  Best we could figure out there was some broken glass she stepped on.  For sure it was 2 of her feet, but seems like it could have been all four?

2011- I went to North Carolina for a WOCNCB committee meeting.  It was good to get away and I hadn't been to a committee meeting for about 1 1/2 years.  Our next meeting is in April.

Another evening at Lory's Place tonight.  And I get emails everyday from Match.com.  How do they know I'm single?  Oh, did I say that...I'm single.  hmmmmm  I haven't really seen many of the Oscar nominated films this year.  Seemed to be lots of dying, death and left over families.  I think living beside cancer and death was enough for me for awhile.

peace, love, groove

And Winter is Here

So much snow...it's kinda strange.  And I had to shovel the drive and walkways.

2010-  Dave had grown back some hair and was trying to get me to think that figure skating was no longer on TV.  He also started using CPAP.

2011- Snow!  There was snow in the beginning of February last year to.  And there was the Super Bowl last year with Green Bay playing.

Hopefully this weekend most of the X-mas stuff will be put away.  Last weekend I worked on it but then ran across a box of Dave's things his mother had given him years ago.  Lot of boyscout stuff, high school programs, baby teeth and old concert ticket stubs.  It was so fun to go through and I took it to the Maki's super bowl party.

Last Tuesday I went to Lori's Place for the 3rd time.  We watched the movie "UP".  I had never seen it and I'd recommend it.  A widower tries to hold on to everything old in his life and then starts an adventure his wife had always talked about.  New friendships develop over the story, but he's not taken in at first.  In the end he chooses his home over saving one of these new friends and my heart just sank.  Then he gets another chance and does the right thing.  That was the message I took away.  I can make mistakes and I'll get another chance.  Please forgive me....

peace, love, groove