The End of 2012

Wow, I haven't written anything here since 11/7/12.  I've become another year older since then and made it through the holidays (well except New Year's) happier than I've been in 2 years.  I did have a small party on 12/21/12 with close friends.  Of course Tim was there…..he had planned to have a party with Dave for years.  And it was Dave's birthday.  We sang Aquarius and Christmas songs drinking beer and tequila.  All had a great time and the world did not end.


Then there's the dream last week that could be telling me my future is bright.  Many of you may remember that I tried to attract bluebirds to my house a couple summers ago but only got sparrows.  I like the little sparrows and they still live in the bird house that I bought for about $100 to get bluebirds in my yard.  I will never kick them out.  I didn't really try for bluebirds this year although I decided in the early fall I will next year.  So my dream goes like this….  I'm standing outside by one of the doors and a bluebird flies up and poses for me for several minutes, letting me take tons of pictures.  Then he winks and flies away.

Here's hoping we all have a wonderful and happy 2013.  I think I'll keep in touch every now and then as an important memory or issue arises, but the heyday of my writing here is coming to a close.  Love you all!

peace, love, groove

Staying open….

A friend told me today that it's good for me to be open  to having feelings for another man.  That even if things don't work out, putting my feelings out there, in the open, is good.  Hmmmm.  See the way I view it is, in the world we live in today, if you open up to someone and they do the same back…there's a connection.  And that is good.  But why would there be a need for failure, why wouldn't it work out?  It's one thing if the person ends up being someone other than they appear to be.  It's another if they go away with a reason….just because, almost a technicality.

I'm sure my friend is right.  I can only see to the end of my nose after all.  Someday it will all be clear and worth this new journey.  Until then, I'll just sit and wonder.



peace, love, groove

Catch up…so it's Halloween

So pictures start with YaYa Sue and her son's wedding.  We went out for nails and eyebrow waxing 2 nights before.  YaYa fun!!!!  Then there's a few shots from the wedding and reception.  Two weekends ago Tim King, Joni King and Jason Keith helped me take apart my piano.  I had it since 1973, it was made in 1972.  I couldn't sell it, couldn't give it away and it didn't work.  So Tim is using the keys for a college art project, I put the hammers on a wall as art,  Keith cashed in the strings and other metal parts and I'm giving the empty shell to DC for an electric keyboard.  Totally recycled!!!!!  The next set of photos are from last our last weekend visit with my niece Courtney, her husband RJ and son Jonah.  And I had to add a picture of Ev walking in the hall 1 day after surgery for a broken hip.  The last picture is of the YaYas by Dave at Riverwood Cemetery 10/10/12…..post tequila shots.

peace, love, groove

The Way It Is

It just is….. on this windy night as Hurricane Sandy effects many areas of the east half of the US, it is the way it is.  I find myself home with my dogs, so thankful for everything I have and sometimes wishing for more.  Dave's mom fell Saturday on our way home from seeing her great grandchild in Ann Arbor (will post pictures tomorrow).  She broke her hip and is recovering at our local hospital.  I started going to the gym and got a trainer.  Last week I was so sore I couldn't walk down any stairs.  This week's not as bad.  The holidays will be here soon and I really want to enjoy them this year.  Let's do that together (I'm stashing away Oberon).



peace, love, groove

Time flies…

So the first thing I have to say is I still dont' understand dating at all.  Enough said.

I listened to 4 young men playing basketball across the street tonight and encouraged my neighbor to walk across the street with me before a thunderstorm hit.  Four young gentleman were playing ball and were so warm and friendly when we approached them.  To me, it is the legacy of Dave Maki…..he inspired the new hoop and the respect of others.  Just love who he was….is



peace, love groove

12-21-57 to 10-10-10

So, here it is….two years have gone by.  I never could have imagined the journey that started July 2009, where I've gone and where I am now.  Oh, and what I want.  I want Dave to be remembered forever.  I want to smile at the thought of him.  I want to find my way through- I'm getting there.

Here is the post from 10/11/10 about Dave's death.


Have a few minutes to write my thoughts and reflect. Dave started breathing harder around 10 pm. Julie L spent the night with us and we watched some of the Camp David DVD together and chatted with jazz music playing in the background. Around 11:30 pm we turned and rubbed Dave's back and positioned him. I went into the bathroom for a second and Julie called me. As I walked up to the bed, Dave was taking a breath- his color was poor. We held his hands and I kissed his head as he took a couple more breaths. His face was peaceful. Just when this happened, Nikki ran to the front door as if someone was leaving. She stopped and looked around for a minute.... I felt a sense of peace too.

Julie stayed with us and Catherine C-S came back over. The hospice nurse came over about an hour later. She called the funeral home to let them know and took all the "narcotics" they had issued. She was very nice. There was a discussion about the time of death with was 11:55 pm 10/10/10. Since it was 10/11 when she got there, we would go with that date. Julie, Catherine and I thought 10/10/10 was really the date and more fitting for DKM- the nurse agreed. Mike, our neighbor came over with a Mister Edd CD Dave had given him when he was 10 years old. How touching. As we waited for the funeral home to come for Dave, he went and listened to some of it in his car.

Today has been filled with a nap, calls, family and friends. I'll go to the funeral home to complete the plans this afternoon. Per Dave's request, he will be cremated. I will post all info as soon as I know. For sure I know Dave would like any memorials to go to the South Western Michigan Humane Society. More info to come...... Thanks to all who have followed and supported us.

The only thing I can add is: I RAN to Dave's bed when Julie called me, wanting to kiss him goodbye one last time.  Scared I would miss the last moment of warmth in his hand.  I started just holding and massaging his hands the first week we got the diagnosis- wondering how long he'd be with me, memorizing everything about his fingers (including the damaged ones from his snow blower accident when he was in college), preparing for the end.  I know now I started to separate myself from him the last month or so of his life.  I had to to survive.  I will survive.

Thanks as always for all of your love, support and comments.

peace, love, groove

It will be two years…….without my CW

I have been experiencing a lot of different emotions lately.  Seems that I am starting to move on with my life.  That's pretty strange.  I read the last few days of the blog from 10/3/10 to 10/10/10 tonight while crying.  I haven't thought of my nickname for Dave "Cancer Warrior" in so long….how I would wake him up chemo days calling him that and singing.  How well he did through chemo the first rounds.  The hard decisions and successes, the disappointments.  It's hard to read how he was failing so quickly, how weak he had become in such a short period.  This post is from 10/3/10:   "My sweet, sweet man is so tired lately. Glad he isn't in pain. We will all take good care of him. "  The morning after the 10/9 party: "Oh, my dreams for Dave came true last night. It was such a gift, honest. Friends and neighbors came over, the movie was playing in the front yard. There was laughter and love surrounding us. Of course there were tears too. I offered to go in with anyone who seemed a little anxious, told them Dave hears him. Many said their goodbyes- some short, some long. Our friend Suzanne brought a lavender satchel to put on Dave's chest, Suzanne and Joni massaged his hands and feet with lavender lotion. It was amazing to see his hands relax. Alison, Catherine C-S, and Beckie took care of me. Suzanne roasted chestnuts, what a great fall snack. We also looked at some older pictures and sang along with Earth, Wind and Fire songs.

We have the medication thing down, although we slept for 4 hours and missed a pain medication dose.  Dave still has a temperature this morning. His hands are so warm, arms are cool. The hospice nurse said this is a normal thing. Our old dog, Audrey is hanging around Dave's bed more. It's a peaceful morning. I'll update later. I cannot thank everyone enough for their love and support." All the love that surrounded him is almost unbelievable.

10/10/12 family and friends will gather at Riverview Cemetery to toast to Dave and then we'll go to Silver Beach Pizza.  Yes Topographic Oceans will play from beginning to end after dinner, hopefully in the backyard with a fire ( and Friday and Saturday night too).  It is tradition now.  I hope everyone will understand my wish to continue this in the future.  Somethings I can't release, somethings will stay with me forever.  Goodnight my CW, it's time.




peace, love, groove